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03 July 2007

Headlines from the year 2029

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California . White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
  • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
  • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
  • France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
  • Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
  • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
  • 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and e xercise is the key to weight loss.
  • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
  • Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.
  • Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
  • Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.
  • Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
  • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
  • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030
  • Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
  • Florexico voters still having trouble with voting machines.
Posted by rickroot at 8:51 AM | Link | 1 comment
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Re: Headlines from the year 2029
These are hilarious. Did you come up with them yourself? Mexifornia's 3rd language English? hahahahaha
Posted by Kevin Parker on July 6, 2007 at 4:31 AM

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