There was this quiet, conservative man who happened to  own a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without  repeating himself. This bird's foul mouth was driving the man  crazy. One day, it just got to be too much.

The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard,  and yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and  he would start swearing even more.

The guy finally got fed up and said, "OK for you" and locked  the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the parrot who contined to claw and scratch the cabinet while he cursed even  louder than before with a stream of swearing that would make a  sailor blush.

At that point the guy became so mad that he threw the parrot  into the freezer!

For the first few seconds the bird started swearing at words  at the top of his lungs

He kicked and clawed and thrashed all about the place. Then it suddenly became VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited,  but then he started to think that the bird might be hurt.

After a couple of minutes of silence, he became so worried  that he opened the freezer door. The bird calmly climbed on  the man's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my  best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation  that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?" 

I made a playlist the other day titled "folk rock chicks" and I think it's pretty good.

Making this playlist reminded me how hot Lisa Loeb is.

Track	Artist
Foolish Games	Jewel
Hands	Jewel
Intuition	Jewel
Standing Still	Jewel
Stay	Lisa Loeb
I Do	Lisa Loeb
Sunny Came Home	Shawn Colvin
Torn	Natalie Imbruglia
Carnival	Natalie Merchant
Wonder	Natalie Merchant
You Were Meant For Me	Jewel
Kind & Generous	Natalie Merchant
Crucify	Tori Amos
Cornflake Girl	Tori Amos
Criminal	Fiona Apple
Only One Too	Jewel
These Are Days	10,000 Maniacs
Who Will Save Your Soul	Jewel
Closer To Fine	Indigo Girls
Linger	The Cranberries
Dreams	The Cranberries
Zombie	The Cranberries
Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?	Paula Cole
Building A Mystery	Sarah McLachlan
Sweet Surrender	Sarah McLachlan
Adia	Sarah McLachlan
Angel	Sarah McLachlan
Soak Up The Sun	Sheryl Crow
The First Cut is the Deepest	Sheryl Crow
Strong Enough	Sheryl Crow
All I Wanna Do	Sheryl Crow
If It Makes You Happy	Sheryl Crow
My Favorite Mistake	Sheryl Crow
Leaving Las Vegas	Sheryl Crow
Everyday Is A Winding Road	Sheryl Crow
Steve McQueen	Sheryl Crow
Strong Enough	Sheryl Crow
A Change Would Do You Good	Sheryl Crow

xxx

A few years ago, my wife and I went to the Smithsonian museum in DC where they have the computer exhibits.  Old computers, like the ENIAC, PDP-11.. and the Commodore 64.

The information about the C64 said "The commodore 64 was powered by the Intel 8080 processor"

You know no idea how much this upset me.  I mean, not so much that it was just plain wrong - after all, the commodore 64 was powered by a MOS 6510 processor, which was based on the MOS 6502, which itself was based on the Motorola 6800.

But the fact that they were wrong on something that is so easily verified - and probably 90% of the people who owned and heavily used their commodore 64's could probably tell you it wasn't an Intel processor.  We *HATED* IBMs (and Ataris) and the thought of our beloved Commodore 64's being powered by an Intel processor was just horrid.

What else does the Smithsonian have wrong?

I wrote them a complaint letter.  I'll be in DC later this month for CFUNITED, so maybe I'll swing by that museum to check to see if they fixed it.  If they haven't, I'm going to raise hell.

I made plans to go to the lake this past weekend after George's funeral on Saturday, and but we were supposed to get thunderstorms Saturday afternoon (40% chance) and Sunday was going to be dry, so we put our lake trip off til Sunday.  Naturally, there was no sign of a storm or even a sprinkle until something like 10pm Saturday night, but no matter.

Emily and I went to Overton's Friday evening to get a new prop.  I'd been tooling around on a pretty well chewed up prop for 2 years now and decided it was about time to get a new one.  Saturday morning, I figured out how to put it on.  It wasn't as difficult as I'd originally thought, but I was still a little nervous about it coming off in the middle of the lake!

Of course i had the boat running and stuff during the day on Saturday, I hooked up the "ear muffs" to get water running into it (for cooling) while I was testing stuff out, and all was well.

Sunday morning, we're getting ready, and I go out around 9:30am to make sure the boat still starts.  See, I'm getting smarter.  And it doesn't start, the battery is low!  So I pull the car around and jump start it, and leave it running for 20 minutes while we finish getting ready.  We're totally ready to go at like 9:50 - with the truck loaded and everything, and I hop into the the boat, switch the key off, and try to start the boat again.  Now the battery is totally dead.  WTF?

I jump started it again, and messed around with the throttle and noticed the voltmeter jump from 12 to 14 volts.  Apparently, when the boat is idling, if the voltmeter only reads 12 votes, it's not actually charging the battery, and accelerating a bit caused the alternator to kick-in.  So after running the boat for another 15 minutes or so - in neutral but with it gassed up a little bit - I turn it off and start it again, and the battery is fully charged.

Just in case, I had Mike borrow a battery pack from Charles.  Mike and his wife Stacey were coming out on the boat with us, and nobody wanted to be stranded on the lake with a dead battery.

The trip went off without a hitch, really.  Boat ran great with the new prop and the tuneup stuff that Charles had done.  It started great and ran great.  We lost an anchor because 1> I can't tie knots to save my life, and 2> we forgot to pull the anchor up when we took Emily tubing.  Duh.  Made a trip to the marina to buy a new anchor :)

My arms, by the way, are really sore today.  Tubing strained some muscles that just aren't used to be strained!

My good friend Nikki sent this to me on myspace... I filled out the survey and posted it to my blog.

Body: MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Honey Mustard

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Quizno's

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. The Angus Barn

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. 18%

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. General Tso's Chicken

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Chicken & Pineapple (and BBQ sauce)

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. Butter and cinnamon sugar

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Cinnamon gum, like Dentyne Fire. The hotter the better!

TECHNOLOGY

Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. 12-15 I think

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. None, I don't use an address book.

What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. Home - solid black background. Work - Voltron

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 4. 5 if you count my computer, since it has a TV tuner card.

BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right-handed

Q. What’s your best feature?
A. My left big toe. Seriously, I don't think I have any particularly good body features.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. My appendix.

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Hearing.

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. Last year =)

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. A case of water bottles (28x24oz)

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No.

BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Yes

Q. Is love for real?
A. Yes

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Big Dick McGee. Hmmm.. my name is already Richard...

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black. It's slimming. I can use slimming!

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Not that I recall.

Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life?
A. No.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. No.

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $1 Million?
A. Yes. Duh.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. No. I don't need $100 that bad! Maybe $1000!

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A. No.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Yes.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Yes, but dear god, why would anyone *WANT* to see that?

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. No.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. Yes.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Lint, if anything. Who keeps stuff in their left pocket?

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: Haven't seen it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Both

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: I have many times before.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Two. I'm not sure either of them count though, because they velcro on top and around the back.

Q: Where were you born?
A. Ann Arbor, MI

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: I got a speeding ticket on Huron River Drive going 52 in a 35 just outside of Ann Arbor. Maybe 5 years ago.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A good dad.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
A: My mom. I'm a momma's boy.

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A: My wife.

Q: Last person you called?
A: My mom.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: My daughter.

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 3. It's the size of my immediately family, and the subject of the BEST Schoolhouse Rock song.

Q: Color?
A: Blue

Q: Season?
A: Fall

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: No

Q: Mood?
A: Content

Q: Listening to?
A: The sounds of my wife and daughter playing Uno.

Q: Watching?
A. My computer screen

Q: Worrying about?
A: Dealing with the loss of a coworker.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Bathroom

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Go camping and boating with Emily next month.

Q: What’s the last movie you saw?
A: At the theater? I have no idea, we don't get out often. The last movie I watched that I'd never seen before was "X-Men: The Last Stand" on DVD.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Mostly.

Q: Now that the surveys done what are you going to do?
A: Help get Emily read for bed.

Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followed by "-ology".

Dear Dr. Phil,

When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

Thanks,
 
P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught

Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that narrow minded wife. That's a nice pair of bass!
 
Dr. Phil

So, as I blogged yesterday, my friend George died in a car wreck yesterday.

The story has been updated - http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1472083/

The driver of the Tahoe - which was reported stolen in Charlotte - was apparently caught trying to cross the border illegally twice in 2004, according to a fingerprint match.  So, he's an illegal immigrant, drunk, and driven a stolen vehicle.

Nice.

His passenger was also an illegal immigrant, who had been deported several times already.

Can we get the damn fence built already?  Please?

Keep these $#@^ers out of our country.

Well, keep the driver here, put him in prison for a long time... deport the other guy, and slam the door shut behind him.

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1466958/

My friend and coworker, George Smith, was killed in this morning's wreck on I-40, when a Chevy Tahoe, driven by an apparent illegal alien who was drunk and carrying a fake drivers license, careened across the median and slamed into George's Kia as he drove to work this morning at 7:15 AM.  My other coworker Mike was stuck in the traffic and thinks he was probably not much more than 3 minutes behind George.

George was a wonderful man and an excellent coworker.  He had been at Duke for nearly 30 years.  I'd worked with him for nearly 5 years, and we enjoyed each other's somewhat twisted sense of humor.

I have a banana tree growing in my front yard that George gave to me when I expressed interest in bananas after seeing them in the Duke Gardens.

George - by now, you'll have probably discovered that there are no weeds in heaven.

Rest in peace.